4.7.14

Confused With Life

(This post is going to be a bit of a ramble.)

Do you ever just get fed up with life? Like you're just not doing anything to make yourself happy (apart from reading of course). I've been feeling like this for months now and have no idea what to about it. I don't like my college course but really enjoyed my time on placement seeing what I could be after three more years of study. But I didn't love it, you know what I mean? I thought that I could stick through another three years of the course I hate to get to this job I'd like, but now I'm thinking I just can't.

I want to be happy now. Not in three more years. I want to be able to say I really love my life and I'm happy what I'm doing with it. The fact is I did enjoy working as a radiation therapist but I don't know if it's something I can do for the rest of my life. I know I would like it but I want to love my job. I don't want to dread getting up every morning and pray for the weekend. I know that this is probably a very new ideal with my generation. I've seen it a million times before. The older generations of my family certainly didn't love their jobs, they did what they had to do to pay the bills and put food on the table. Who am I to want more? Especially when it is a job I could like doing.

But I do want more. This isn't the age of leaving school before you're sixteen so you can help support the family. I don't have a husband and kids that I have to support. I can do whatever the hell I want and I think that's the scary part. I don't think I'm the type of person to go the traditional route. I don't want to spend four years in college, get a job, meet a man, get married, but a house and 2.5 kids. I want to travel the world, never knowing where the next day will bring me, never knowing if I'll have enough money to get there! I want to read books, write books, publish books. I want to open a bakery, I want to open a cafe with a bookstore. I want to work in the background of films. I want more.

So at the moment I'm really confused. I don't know what to do. Should I go back to college and stick it out, taking the safe route of a secure job? Or should I take a risk and drop out, trying to find what I want to do in life? I don't want to just fall into a life. I don't want to look back in fifty years working as a radiation therapist and say god, I should have taken the risk. But I also don't want to take the risk and fall flat on my arse and end up working retail for the rest of my life. I want to choose my life. I want to pick a road and go down it consciously.

I don't want to settle for a life. That's my biggest fear in the whole world. I know I can't be ecstatic about my life every single moment until I die, I know that you have to have the bad and the good alongside each other. But I want a life with huge highs to balance out the lows. I want moments were I know that I'll never be happier. I don't just want a life where I can claim to be generally content.

I don't want to wake up one day and feel trapped in a life I never chose but went along with anyway. But the thought of taking the road less travelled is terrifying!

The question now is, to drop out or not? To try to figure out what I want to do and simply do it. I feel like I'm having a mid-life crisis at the age of twenty! I'm asking you now to share your life stories a little bit with me. Did you do the usual route of college and a job? Or did you take the road less travelled?


28 comments:

  1. bookwormdreams4 July 2014 at 07:08

    No one can tell you if you should drop out or not. Only you should decide that. I think most of the older generation would say: stick with it, finish it, find job and do that one job until the rest of your life. That works for some people. They like to feel secure.
    I actually droped out of college. Passed 2/3 of exams but I was so annoyed because we learned outdated things. Then something unexpected happened. My parents had some tough time and could not give me money anymore so I had to find a job. They even found me one. But I decided to risk it and apply for position of junior web developer (the job I was studying to be) and surprisingly they hired me. The salary was low because I didnt have college degree but I learned in my free time. Changed jobs a couple of time when I found something better. And now I work the job I wanted without college degree. I have enough experience and impressive CV so I can be picky about my salary and what do I want to do. I never went back to college but I am not sorry. So here's a story from college dropout. :)
    I'm not saying you should drop out too of course.

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  2. Reading other reviews for Landline have not given me a clear picture of what the book is about at all, so thank you for summarizing what that time-traveling phone is! I was just like you. I seriously had no idea how a phone could do time-travel.


    But yeah, thanks for this review! I'm kind of a hit and miss with Rainbow Rowell because I couldn't feel the feels for Attachments or Eleanor and Park but I absolutely loved Fangirl. Here's to hoping I enjoy this one!

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  3. Oh hon I'm in a very similar place of uncertainty right now and I'm ten years older. I did the college thing and was all set for London when something happened I didn't plan for, I got sick so while all my friends went off and got their jobs, holidays, nights out I sat on the couch in pjs too weak to move. It sucked and has meant I'm behind the rest of my peers with where I want my life to be but ya know what? I am stronger and more capable of coping with the tougher aspects of life than others. The saying everything happens for reason is one I love and hate in equal measure but it is true. The choices you make will affect your life but more likely your immediate future, when you're in your twenties you think you have to do this, this and this BUT YOU DO NOT! People are changing careers at forty and going back to college, backpacking around Thailand at sixty! You don't have to follow anyone's plan but your own! It's your life. Take the summer to chill and reflect on your course, college can be monotonous at times and can be difficult to focus on the end game but so can any job, any course, any life. You're not supposed to have the answers right now, it is OKAY that you don't. Have faith and listen to both your heart with a little bit of your head, mistakes are there to be made and no matter what happens someone will be there to help! No matter what! Hugs xxx

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  4. I think it is rather difficult and quite difficult to write a reply as I don't want to give you bad advice. I personally spent too long working on something I didn't even use that much in the end, so I'll just give you my personal experience.


    I have so many regrets about the course I chose to take because I feel if I wasn't so scared to chose the one I really wanted and knew could benefit me in the future then I wouldn't have to work so hard all the time. I freelance 7days a week and it is tiring, sometimes shattering and at twenty four (I know it's still young) I'm only just learning how to add that little extra bit of freedom and love back into my life. Now I want to go back and do the things i missed out on but i'm too afraid too over exerting my mind and my body that in the end it will probably just have me spiraling out of control.


    I really hope you find what you want and if my experience in any way has helped then that's great :-). *hugs*


    x

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  5. Is it possible to take a gap year? To travel a bit, see what you like to do. Write a little and then make a decision. If you leave it won't have to be forever. Now you have a chance to see the world, maybe it's a good idea to do it :).

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  6. I think this a thing which everyone struggles with. I will openly say I took the normal route of going to uni (sorry, I'm British, so I suppose the equivalent of college) and then I graduated and got any job I could find because I needed to pay off my overdraft.


    I have been working for a year and a half, I have had two jobs so far. I am not enamoured with my current job, but I know experience in the working world is important and I like the regular wage. I am not thrilled with where I am, but I do not know what I want to do next.


    A lot of my friends have thought long term with their jobs, they seem to want careers and money and families. I don't want those things. I want a family one day, but I'm not sure. I don't want my life to be about my job, so I don't want a career. I just want to be happy.


    I think before you make any big decision in life you need to figure out want you want in so many years time. You need to have a vague plan, because as lovely as it would be to live in the moment and do what you want, you need to know you will always have something to fall back on. You have to know what you;re getting into before you take a big risk. That may just be the practical side of me talking, but I suppose it is some things to think about. And remember there is always time to do anything as long as you're prepared to put the effort in.

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  7. I completely understand everything you just posted. I'm not 20 yet, but I'll be so in a few weeks. It's terrifying for me to think of "settling," I just want to be able to live life to the fullest, but at the same time, I want to have a plan so I don't end up living life to the lowest. I'm frustrated that I don't know exactly what I want to do as yet. Is college the "usual" route? I guess I'm following the "usual" route then. I wish I could help, but all I can say is that you're not alone, as corny as that sounds. I don't think college is the "safe" route, because you may go to college and still not get a job. I think you have to work hard for whatever you want. I don't think you should quit college, but maybe you should pick more classes that are tailored towards you achieving your goals. Maybe you should go crazy with some electives that are fun! :) Best of luck! Question? How does one have 2.5 kids? lol!

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  8. I am a US blogger, and I once sent eight packages of books to US addresses for $26. Compare that to seven packages where four went to Canada and three to the US and it cost me $70. Granted, the firat bunch was most one book packages qhile the second was mostly comprised of multi-book packages, but still. That is a significant and expensive difference, that is why Canada alone is the only other country I'll even consider shipping to. I've looked up pricing to other countries that aren't my next-door neighbor, and it's not pretty. I would love to be able to host more int giveaways, but I simply can't afford both the books and the shipping.

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  9. I was confused too about the time travel but now I understand :) Your review makes me want to read the book now!

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  10. I actually haven't read anything by Rainbow Rowell yet. This one sounds a little too touchy-feely for me, but I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the great review!

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  11. I understand what you're saying. I finished college two years ago (with a useless degree). Knowing what I know now, there are definitely things I would have done differently- namely, gotten a degree that would definitely get me a decent-paying job. And I would still recommend to others that you have something (like a good degree) to fall back on, especially if you plan to take career risks.


    If you want to try different things, especially while you have limited responsibilities, cool. Why not? If you want to prepare for a steady career with good benefits that will pay for you to travel, blog, etc., that's not a bad plan either. But at the same time, being happy with your life is dependent on choices, and the biggest one is whether you choose to be happy with yourself, no matter where you are or what you're doing. And if you're not happy where you are, make a choice and go after something, right?

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  12. Or, to put it WAY more succinctly, I don't think happiness and enjoyment are necessarily synonymous. :)

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  13. I know a lot of people who have "an itch" as I like to call it, they have big dreams and these big ideas and want to travel the world as they are full of wanderlust and live this great big life. And I think it's great, I do, I admire it in them, but it just isn't something that's in me. Unless I win the lottery. I have this thing where I need security, I like knowing where my next paycheck is coming from and I like having a secure life. Aside from that, I was "lucky" in that I've kind of known what I've wanted to do since I was about 14/15. Not in great detail, but I knew I wanted to work with business in some capacity. And then I specialised as I got older. I did the traditional route very much so, university and a job. And I LOVE it. I love what I do. I want to job and the house and maybe not quite the kids yet, but my "dreams" are relatively simple I've come to learn. And I think that's the thing, it all depends on what your dream is. I'm also a realist, so I don't chase these epic lives (because when they fail, which is very frequently), they fail hard. And it can be incredibly difficult to bounce back from. I have friends who are trying to go back and study now, in their 30s, and it is so much easier to do it when you're younger and fresh from school without those responsibilities holding you back. Call it your back-up plan. Because at least then you have one. As for this modern culture we're in where people think degrees are losing their worth, blah, blah, blah, personally I'm calling BS. It's not that you have a degree that gets you anywhere in life, it's what you chose to do with it. Just having those letters doesn't mean the world owes you anything, you gotta go out and get it. I don't know if this ramble has helped you at all, I think we can all feel a bit crap about life sometimes, because it isn't like it is in the movies. This shit is real, and it can be dull, and we all look forward to the weekends, and I don't always LOVE going in to work, and we all have bills to pay. It's like that saying, "I couldn't wait to grow up and be an adult, but this shit is not what I was expecting". I think we all get a wake-up call at some point, which is why I try to instill in any young people I meet (I'm only 24, I'm talking young, young people) that life ain't all rainbows and butterflies, so go out there and get your education, in whatever it is, and stick it out and have plans. Because it makes life that little bit easier.


    Rachel


    Confessions of a Book Geek

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  14. I still need to read this one and Attachments but I read Fangirl and Eleanor & Park and loved them to bits!
    I will be reading this one for sure, even if I'm not sure if right away, for personal reasons that might make this book hit too close to home.
    Thanks for the great review!

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  15. Kara @ Diary of a Teen Writer7 July 2014 at 09:09

    Really great review. I actually haven't read anything by Rainbow Rowell (yet!) but I keep hearing wonderful things about her books. I'm not sure this book would appeal to me as much as her other novels, however, I may give it a chance one day! Thanks for reviewing.

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  16. I guess I took the 'normal' road and it might be a safe bet, but at the same time I'm really doing something I love. I think it's definitely important to get a job later that you don't have, because you'll be doing it for a long, long time. On the other hand, it's also important to be able to have an income.. It's important to not take a rash decision, because you might feel this way only because of that fear. If you stick with college you will have plenty of time afterwards to do the things you want :) It's not like your life is decided right then, you never know what the future brings, but it might be good to have at least a diploma?

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  17. Then I think you'll love this one! I haven't read Attachments but Eleanor and Park was a bit of a let down after Fangirl which I absolutely LOVED! So hopefully you'll enjoy this one as much!

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  18. You should definitely read it, it was so great!

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  19. Start with Fangirl and then move onto this, trust me you won't be disappointed!

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  20. I still haven't read Attachments either actually. I would recommend giving it a try if you can :)

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  21. Start with Fangirl and then this one. They're both amazing! The writing is what makes her books so special so even if the synopsis doesn't sound that great, I'd still recommend trying it.

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  22. I'm reading Attachments and loving it and will probably be reading Landline later this week!

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  23. Time travel sounds too cool. Your review cleared up my confusions about the book. I didn't really get this. I've read bit & pieces of Elanor & Park & liked how she handled the story so far. I was sucked in. The characters w/ faults so real. . . I couldn't really even judge. I've hear from others that she changed her writing style in this book, would you agree?

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  24. I just got this book and am excited to read it. I had no idea the phone was "time-travelling" -- that makes me want to start it now! I loved the narrative style in Eleanor and Park, so I hope this one is just as good.

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  25. I've always wanted to read a Rainbow Rowell book but they're just too pricey for me but I am very excited to read this book if I ever do buy it, amazing review! I'm really looking forward to read it myself soon.

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  26. I really love Rainbow Rowell and I should read this soon!!!

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  27. So i guess I should really get on board this train huhh?

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  28. It took me a while to get into this book but in the end I really enjoyed it. I didn't like Neal all that much either, but then love isn't perfect and I agree with you, I could see why they were together in the end. Fab review :)

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